17th April, 2012

Who is pulling the rug from under my feet?

I scribble down words like: exploring possibilities, re-discovering myself, innocence …

Then I start writing a story: “Hello Earth! I’m just looking in. How are you? Are you feeling well? What’s going on?”

I am a dreamer. That’s the verdict revealed to me during lunch a few days ago. We were sitting at a tavern by the sea in Stoupa, me and three girl friends. My friends had been analysing what category they belonged to. One of the girls (we are all girls at 60+) was a “helper”, another “a wonderer”, always asking questions, etc. Immediately I admitted I was a dreamer. Good description. At school I was always day-dreaming, looking out of the window.

It struck me how easy it is to be in denial. Our friends see us as we really are, at least in their eyes. I recently read a citation going something like this: When I get bored with being “normal”, I go back to being myself.

This is how this blog started off, going “official” about whom I truly am, while trying to find out who I truly am.

The last few days I have spent in silence, no TV, no radio, no music, no people. Instead I have sorted out paper work in my office, spiritual newsletters I have printed out from my computer, piles of them; spiritual books, piles of them; my own spiritual writings, piles of them … In the end the pendulum swung the other way. No spiritual material (my heart and head are full). Instead a binge on sudoko and solitaire on the computer, something seemingly useless.

How do I live a “normal” life?

My guideline throughout my life has always been: “I don’t care how people judge me as long as I can sleep with my own conscience.”



Amma Magi

Missionary of Life